So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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