Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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