I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm both gender and math confused
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
