my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
