Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
