Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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