i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry about my life...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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