i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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