if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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