Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
