All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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