i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
