My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
