He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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