Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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