im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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