i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
