Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
