thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
