There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
