Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
