I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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