Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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