So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
