so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
