I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
