Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
