When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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