My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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