is your mom at the bar?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
