Soap is not a condiment
he puts the penis in happiness.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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