i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
