trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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