It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
