Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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