When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
whose ass print is on the piano?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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