my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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