Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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