No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
