Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
