Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
