I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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