just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
