Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
