SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
