Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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