True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
