Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
