how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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