Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
