oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
