Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
