You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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