She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
