Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
