I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
