My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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