This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
