So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Please, let me fuck your mom
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
