Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
