I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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