you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
