I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
