I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
