Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
