You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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