I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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