just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
