I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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