I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
