I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
