i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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