if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
